Sunday, March 9, 2008

2008 Preview: God

Name: David Americo Ortiz
Bats: Left
Throws: Left
Age: 32, but irrelevant
2008 Salary: Not enough
Fun Fact: Is the greatest baseball player ever.

I own several years' worth of Baseball Prospectus books. Let's take a look into the past and get a sneak peak at part of David Ortiz' 2000 entry:

The organization's litmus test to see if they want to get better in a hurry or just do things their way. Ortiz is accused of having an attitude, and he catches flak for bad glovework and his weight. Ullger says he's gotten into bad habits at the plate: he had been pitched outside for so long that he wasn't adjusting to anything inside in the majors, diving across the plate without keeping his head or hands still.

I just got this year's book, and the Ortiz entry reads, in it entirety:

Do not taunt this man. You will die.

Of course you will. The mere suggestion that David Ortiz is anything other than a primordial God, borne of all the powers of the universe is, frankly, insulting. And dangerous. He sees all and hears all.

So do not pitch him inside. Or outside. Or over the plate. It does not matter. 209 Red Sox home runs, 143 game-winning hits, 10 million people met and hugged, at least two World Series titles (Who knows? There could have been more we weren't aware of), one David Ortiz.

As we head into another year of Papi-fueled domination, let us say a prayer for all the opposing pitchers and baseballs that will be disposed between now and November. (Message!)

Hit 'em up, Papi.

Faloomp! Like wow.

David Ortiz' 2008 PECOTA projection:
.282 AVG/.402 OBP/.541 SLG
109 Runs
158 Hits
38 Doubles
600 Home Runs
119 RBI
111 BB
79 K
Okay, 35 Home Runs
And the Prospectus thing does not say that.

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