Tomfools and philosophers

What does one say after dropping three of four to the seventh worst franchise in sports? There is frustration and there is fear as the Rays' mighty stingers beams of light advance rapidly (half a game back!). But mostly I'm just mad at Moneyball. Damn you, Moneyball! If only Terry Ryan had not become infatuated with Livan Hernandez way back in 2002, dubbing him "Greek God of 6-1 Record Despite Having Higher WHIP Than Both Sidney Ponson and Odalis Perez," none of this would have happened. Also, I think the trip to Japan is finally catching up with the Sox. Yes, bad sushi, I think it was.

Moving along, just when you thought the rivalry couldn't get any more absurd, news that a Yankee fan in California punched a Red Sox fan, injured his hand, sued the Red Sox fan and won $25K.

“I’m a musician and I depend on my hands to make a living,” said Melendez, a professional bongo player whose phone message identifies him as “The No. 1 Yankee Fan in the World.” He sued, and the jury awarded him $15,297 for medical costs and $10,000 in punitive damages last week.

Are we sure this Melendez character isn't Jason Grimsley in disguise? He's just the sort of unscrupulous tomfool to pull off a stunt like this. Bongo player? Come on, Grimsley, you can do better than that.

Speaking of steroid abusers, Craig Hansen is inspired by the following pearl of wisdom from California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

Funny, here I had always imagined Hansen's personal philosophy was more in line with the Jesse Ventura school.

Steals and hand outs

Before the weekend's sweep gets too distance in the rear view, let's talk about the two double steals in one game! I've been chided in the past for my fixation with the stolen base. But look here, thirty stolen base attempts for this Sox this season and only FOUR times have they been caught. Surely that kind of efficiency makes even the most hardened stolen base skeptics excited about the team's base running. I also wish to praise Dustin Pedroia, who has managed four stolen bases in four attempts. It's true what they say, you don't have to be fast to be a good base stealer.

Now, moving to last evening, EIGHT walks for Daisuke! Good god. But even with the plentiful walks, he and Lester have admirable WHIPs in their past couple of starts (1.17 and 0.86 respectively). Lester has allowed five hits in his last fourteen innings, Daisuke four over twelve. If both of them could get the walks under control and go deep into games with consistency, mercy. But we've been saying this for a minute now...

And speaking about a guy who, if only he could find the plate, could be very special, there's been a lot of talk lately about how Craig Hansen could be the bridge to Okajima and Papelbon. Last night from Hansen we saw a great sixth inning and a horrible seventh. I've seen little to suggest that Hansen is ready for a big role at the major league level. But frankly Manny Delcarmen, having allowed 10 base runners over his last 2.2 innings, has been so dreadful of late that I'm growing curious about the availability of Bobby Jones. And I'm still not ready to give up on Timlin. His ERA is nearly below 12.00, you know!

Also, Kevin Youkilis:
Ranks 9th in AL in RBI
Ranks 8th in AL in Runs
Ranks 8th in AL in Walks
Ranks 7th in AL in OBP
Ranks 8th in AL in SLG
Ranks 6th in AL in OPS

In closing, I am proud to announce that through Children International Me & Pedro recently became the sponsor of a young man in the Philippines. That's right, other blogs ask for handouts, we give handouts. We eagerly await our first letter from the chap, but in the meantime, here are his vitals: ten years old, 4 feet tall, 49 pounds, resides in Quezon City. His favorite school subject is mathematics, and while he professes no love for sports, only "Drawing, playing with toys and cars," we will be mailing him a baseball very shortly. We will do our part to mold him into the best Filipino ballplayer since Benny Agbayani. Or the best mathematician since Euclid.

Eye on the pups

We've already discussed Hansen's recent success:

Hansen has pitched 9 1/3 scoreless innings in his first six appearances for the PawSox, after finishing last season with 14 2/3 scoreless innings. Overall, opposing batters are hitting .065 (2 for 31) against him this season, with most of his success coming against righthanded hitters, who have one infield hit in 24 at-bats. One Sox official said the team is impressed with the way Hansen has been asserting himself on the mound - the surgery for sleep apnea may be a factor - but they want to see him continue his early success before making any moves.

But another prospect who has taken a few steps back since becoming a professional is beginning to put it together:

In low Class A Greenville, converted reliever Daniel Bard must be getting close to a promotion. He pitched two more scoreless innings (1 BB, 2 K) and has a 0.00 ERA over 11 2/3 innings ... Don't know how long he'll stay in Greenville. Red Sox must hope he gains confidence as a reliever before sending him to Lancaster.

Bard, of course, was a college teammate of Andrew Miller at UNC. Miller has been walking a lot of dudes and allowing an assload of hits for Marlins this year.

Justin Masterson has been masterful(!) for the Sea Dogs. The 22-year-old native of Kingston, Jamaica, has struck out 13 and walked 2 in 14 innings, allowing just 2 runs. George Kottaras has five round trippers for Pawtucket. Lars Anderson, thought to be the Sox' lone power prospect, has 3 home runs and an .879 OPS for Class A Lancaster. No word yet on whether Oscar Tejada is really 18 years old.

Silky deliveries

Angels' Lackey sidelined until mid-may with strained triceps:

Though Seattle will open the season with a far superior rotation of Erik Bedard, Felix Hernandez, Carlos Silva, Jarrod Washburn and Miguel Batista, Manager Mike Scioscia doesn't think the loss of Lackey and Escobar will put a huge dent in the Angels' division hopes.

"Those two guys are important to us, but even without them, we'll have a rotation that can give us a chance to win every night and a bullpen that can hold leads," Scioscia said.

Jays' Ryan impressive in his first outing of spring:

"It was good, you know, finally getting out there, anxious and nervous and not really knowing what to expect.

"We didn't hold anything back," he added, meaning he and catcher Rod Barajas. "I threw what he called. I told him, 'I don't know you and you don't know me. Let's just kind of feel our way through this."

Padres' Prior pleased with progress:

“I am able to get on top of the ball,” said the right-hander, who won't be available to the Padres before May or June. “I am able to throw the ball down and away.”

The surgeon's work is enabling Prior to throw with proper form, to repeat the same release point that he had before injuries led to compensation issues and degraded his silky delivery.

Sox' Hansen pitched an inning without allowing a run (or three):

"No, I don't know how I did it either," said Hansen. "I threw the ball over the plate and the hitters, they didn't hit it. It's really astounding what can happen when you throw strikes. I never thought I'd see my ERA dip below 12.00."

Saturday in Fort Myers

Beckett was removed from this afternoon's game against the Marlins before it even began. Slipped on the mound and strained his back, they say. Too soon to worry.... too much. In Beckett's stead Delcarmen started the game, going two perfect innings and maintaining his 0.00 ERA. Timlin allowed one hit over two. And then (stop me if you've heard this before) it was Hansen's turn to walk a couple, give up three hits, and allow two runs over an inning and two-thirds. Look at that lovely 14.23 ERA! Meanwhile, Craig Breslow continues his push for the final spot in the pen that Hansen apparently wants no part of. The Yale southpaw struck out three in an inning and a third. Sox trail 2-0. Two hits for Jacoby.

Update: Sox lose. Amalie Benjamin says, "Beckett will possibly undergo more testing tomorrow, when he's re-evaluated by the medical staff. For now, the team isn't sure if he'll make his next start, nor is it clear the severity of the injury to his back."

Recasting the Best Picture nominees

No Country for Old Men
Sheriff Ed Tom Bell: A laconic, soon-to-retire small-town sheriff.
Mike Timlin: The guy’s seen it all and he’s got four World Series rings to show for it. You’d like to see him ease his way into retirement but then you’re in the ALCS and the Indians have two runners on with nobody out and the elderly righty gets the call to pick up the slack for his struggling partners.

Llewelyn Moss: A man who flees with $2 million in drug money he finds in the desert.
Craig Hansen: Young man got his $1.3 million signing bonus and while he did not flee he’s hardly been heard from since.

Anton Chigurh: An assassin hired to recover the drug money.
Jonathan Papelbon: Probably more nuts that Chigurh. Thankfully he just breaks batters' spirits rather than their skulls. Although he has not been asked to recover Hansen’s signing bonus he has filled the closer role originally slated for Hansen rather adequately.


There Will Be Blood
Daniel Plainview: An obsessive loner who hits it big in California's turn-of-the-20th-century oil rush.
J.D. Drew: He’s a loner and five years, $70 million = striking oil.

Eli Sunday: A charismatic evangelical preacher and faith healer.
David Ortiz: A charismatic evangelical preacher and faith healer.


Michael Clayton
Arthur Edens: An eccentric and brilliant lawyer who suffers a mental/existential breakdown.
Manny Ramirez: An eccentric and brilliant hitter who is due for another "episode" in which he demands a trade.

Michael Clayton: The fixer.
Scott Boras: Scary thought, eh?


Juno
Juno MacGuff: A pregnant teen.
Bartolo Colon: Yeah, I said it.

Paul Bleeker: Michael Cera
Nobody replaces Michael Cera.


Atonement
No, they'd have trouble with the accents and there's nothing I hate more than bad British accents. I'm looking at you, Costner.