Tomfools and philosophers

What does one say after dropping three of four to the seventh worst franchise in sports? There is frustration and there is fear as the Rays' mighty stingers beams of light advance rapidly (half a game back!). But mostly I'm just mad at Moneyball. Damn you, Moneyball! If only Terry Ryan had not become infatuated with Livan Hernandez way back in 2002, dubbing him "Greek God of 6-1 Record Despite Having Higher WHIP Than Both Sidney Ponson and Odalis Perez," none of this would have happened. Also, I think the trip to Japan is finally catching up with the Sox. Yes, bad sushi, I think it was.

Moving along, just when you thought the rivalry couldn't get any more absurd, news that a Yankee fan in California punched a Red Sox fan, injured his hand, sued the Red Sox fan and won $25K.

“I’m a musician and I depend on my hands to make a living,” said Melendez, a professional bongo player whose phone message identifies him as “The No. 1 Yankee Fan in the World.” He sued, and the jury awarded him $15,297 for medical costs and $10,000 in punitive damages last week.

Are we sure this Melendez character isn't Jason Grimsley in disguise? He's just the sort of unscrupulous tomfool to pull off a stunt like this. Bongo player? Come on, Grimsley, you can do better than that.

Speaking of steroid abusers, Craig Hansen is inspired by the following pearl of wisdom from California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

Funny, here I had always imagined Hansen's personal philosophy was more in line with the Jesse Ventura school.

Lamb shanked!

A few thoughts on last night's 7-6 Twins' victory:

• Lester only walked one!
• I got home from work, turned on the game, saw that the score was 4-2 in the fourth and each side had committed an error, and I knew the Sox' error belonged to Lugo. There's comfort in that.
• Boof Bonser had some bum luck. Looked like Delmon Young should have caught Lowell's two-run double.
• Pedroia threw a laser to get cut down Young at home plate. If Ellsbury hits the cutoff man there, does Lugo bobble it?
• Speaking of Lugo, when the Tolbert fellow game crashing down on his head at second base my eyes were elsewhere and I when looked at the screen and saw a man rolling around in pain I did not immediately recognize who it was. I felt some concern, but then, "Oh, it's only Lugo." That's not good.
  
• Stolen base streak ends at twenty when J.D. Drew was nailed at second by Joe Mauer's picture perfect toss.
• Okajima was great as always (15 pitches to retire six batters). But two innings again? If the pen doesn't shape up to the point where we can trust Delcarmen, Timlin or Hansen with a one-run lead in the seventh, Okie will be toast by Sepetember. Like last year.
• The Twins' pen was superlative with runners in scoring position.
• The American League has figured out Papelbon! No. There's been come wildness, but the big hits in the two blown save losses have been a broken bat bloop by Polanco and a knob job by Lamb. Something worth noting, Papelbon has zero K's in his last four appearances (4.2 innings).
• What's with closers not caring about base runners? If Delmon Young isn't able to steal third.... ah forget it.
  

Praise and the opposite of praise

Sometimes it seems like we're endlessly piling criticism on Julio Lugo and heaping praise on Kevin Youkilis. So here's this: Julio Lugo has a higher OBP, more doubles, more walks and the same number of home runs as Derek Jeter. THE Derek Jeter! Also, Julio Lugo did not have any errors last night. And then there's Youk, who operates a rather pathetic blog. Shameful. Also, he hasn't had any errors in, what, 230 consecutive games. A little excessive, don't you think? And what's with that golden glove of his? Does he think he's better than everyone else? What say we divert the monies going to the Filipino boy and put them toward the "Julio Lugo Platinum Glove Fund"? Lord knows he deserves it.

Anyway, Youk is is no doubt displeased to be moving his act to the Metrodome where he has posted .269/.321/.346, 7 hits, 0 home runs, 2 runs, 1 RBI, 1 walk in 28 plate appearance. Youk's career numbers in 59 plate appearances at Detroit's Comerica Park are very reminiscent of Julio Lugo in his prime (June '06): .327/.424/.857, 16 hits, 8 home runs, 15 runs, 17 RBI, 7 walks.

Speaking of the four game set with the Twins, here's something terrible. This atrocity might deserve a post all its own. A ten worst franchises in sports list that includes the Minnesota Twins but not the Texas Rangers, Washington Nationals or Baltimore Orioles. It is most unfortunate. He characterizes Moneyball thusly, "it's a creative way of saying, 'we're not going to pay for our stars or reward our veterans who have earned their keep,'" and then proceeds to dumbly and lazily slam the Twins for being cheap while failing to acknowledge that they have managed to stay competitive (they're currently in first place) while others working under similar financial constraints have been, well, not competitive. Why is it the Texas Rangers so often seem to avoid getting put on lists like this? They've never won a playoff series in the history of their franchise. Never! And they're located in the fifth biggest television market in the nation, so the unfortunate realities of baseball in the 21st century are not as threatening to them as they are for others.

Speaking of terrible things, here's this from the Washington Times. A list of five reasons to get over the Caps and Wizards losing. I discovered it when I was checking in on our pal Wilfredo, as I am want to do. Here it is:

1. You can now tune in to watch Wily Mo Pena hit all those home runs.

2. Under D.C. United's new deal with Volkswagen, all concession stands at RFK will sell only German beers.

3. More time to spend with your wife and kids outdoors. Ha!

4. You can go back to not caring all that much about hockey.

5. Three full months to study up on track and field, archery and handball before the Summer Olympics.

Oh mercy, that's hilarious. And quite edgy for a newspaper, don't you think? But seriously, doesn't that guy know that having fun at Wily Mo's expense is under my purview. Honestly, it's probably the worst five reasons for anything ever. It's as though the editors of the Washington Times were burning the late night oil, looking for the next big thing in online newspapering when suddenly the real hip one with his ear to the blogosphere said, "I've got it! What if we get the guy who does Marmaduke to riff on sports!" If this guy and the ten worst franchises guy joined forces Me and Pedro would be out of business faster than you can say, "Just because they're paid to write about sports does not mean you should reasonably expect them to watch sports."

Know Thy Enemy: Minnesota Twins

"Know Thy Enemy: Minnesota Twins" is first in a twenty-eight part series that will take you, dear readers, all around this glorious nation of ours in order to offer you an inside look at the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of every club in the majors that does not play in the Bronx or the Fens. But Ben, you say, you and that Bryan fellow know virtually nothing about the other teams; you're so busy playing with your Big Papi bobbleheads and scouring the Internet for nude photos of Hazel Mae that you couldn't possibly have time to keep tabs on the opposition. Aha! That's just it, we're not authoring these pearls of wisdom. Nope, instead we're turning to a distinguished panel of experts, some of the finest minds in their respective fan bases. I am sure you'll be impressed by their wit and wisdom. And with that, take it away, Minnesota Twins Bureau Chief Andy Reinsch!

Q: Why should anybody outside of Minnesota be interested in a Twins team without Torii Hunter and Johan Santana?

A: They probably shouldn't. While their success can remain an open question, the organization is likely more concerned with fielding a good team than one that the semi-literate hordes who keep Baseball Tonight on the air would find worthy of their attention. That said, Liriano's coming back.

Q: I remember that Liriano fellow. He was pretty good. What's going on with him?

A: He's now well more than a year out from Tommy John surgery, and has been cleared to join the regular pitching staff in preparation for the 2008 season. Ron Gardenhire has announced his intentions to "baby" Liriano, so there may not be more than 150 innings worth of opportunity to watch him in 2008. But with Dan Szymborski's ZiPS projecting a 3.42 ERA and more than a strikeout per inning, he may still be worth watching.

Q: That's not a whole lot of innings. I assume they've bothered to employ other pitchers?

A: In point of fact, they have. After Livan Hernandez, 2008's adventure in stout veterans, Minnesota's oldest starter will be 26. At the moment, the most plausible rotation features 24 year olds Kevin Slowey and Francisco Liriano, 26 year olds Boof Bonser and Scott Baker, and Hernandez. The bullpen remains largely intact, and could gain some stability with a healthy return by Jesse Crain from shoulder surgery.

Q: I don't know who any of those people are. Can you at least assure me that one of them is "in the best shape of his life"?

A: Indeed I can. During a regrettable sophomore campaign resulting in an 85 ERA+, Boof Bonser was repeatedly criticized for his conditioning and weight. Early returns say he's lost around 30 of last season's listed weight of 260. Having seen him personally at TwinsFest in January, I can confirm that he is noticeably thinner. He's still got a fat guy's name to match his fat guy goatee though.

Q: You haven't captured my interest yet. What about these position battles you mentioned?

A: Brendan Harris, imported from Tampa Bay with Delmon Young and Jason Pridie, will compete for the second base job with semi-incumbents Nick Punto and Alexi Casilla. Harris offers a real offensive upgrade over Punto and Casilla, but as is common with any new player, Harris' ability to conform to the "say the black, do the red" attitude towards Spring Training's unique liturgy will be more important to Ron Gardenhire than it probably should.

Q: Don't they need a CFer too?

A: Spring Training holds a three-way competition for the spot between Carlos Gomez, Denard Span, and Jason Pridie. All three would be adequate flycatchers, and each has some appeal. But Gomez needs further time in the minor leagues to develop both his power and his plate discipline. And Span's hot finish to 2007 still hasn't marked him as an MLB starter. Jason Pridie is, so far, the only of the three to really hit AAA pitching, with a .318/.375/.539 in 274 PAs at AAA Durham in 2007. I think he'd be the best choice for starting CFer on Opening Day and though tepid, ZiPS endorses my position.

Q: Tossing it around in my head, that doesn't look like much of a lineup.

A: The appropriate question would be, "Is this the 718 run offense of 2007 that lost its only regular to slug over .500 or is it the 801 run offense of 2006 that retains its young, talented core?". For every talented offensive player, 2007 had a corresponding sinkhole of outs that could be monstrously upgraded with only an average offensive performer. Handing the 3B job to Mike Lamb, the 2B job to Brendan Harris, and installing Kubel and Young as LF/DH regulars all offer marked improvement. But it's a young lineup and the on-base talent necessary to really make the lineup really go is scarce. I think 760 runs is a reasonable, if optimistic, outlook for the 2008 lineup.

Q: So where does that leave the team? Make a prediction?

A: Even with Santana's loss, I think the return of Liriano, the development of Baker, Slowey and Bonser, and a more stable bullpen will keep the team in the upper third of AL staffs. If they allow 750 runs, this will look like an 82 win team.

Andy Reinsch is a Twins fan presently living in Chicago. He named his cat after Lew Ford and believes the entire baseball world would be different if Corey Koskie's ground-rule double in game 2 of the 2004 ALDS had stayed in the park.