2008 Preview: JD Drew

Name: David Jonathan Drew
Bats: Left
Throws: Right
Age: 32
2008 Salary: $14 million
Fun Fact: JD Drew's name is not JD Drew.


JD Drew's 2008 PECOTA Projection:
.267 AVG/.367 OBP/.421 SLG
65 Runs
110 Hits
26 Doubles
11 Home Runs
60 RBI
65 BB
84 K
Will trade all for one postseason Grand Slam. All of it.

2008 Preview: God

Name: David Americo Ortiz
Bats: Left
Throws: Left
Age: 32, but irrelevant
2008 Salary: Not enough
Fun Fact: Is the greatest baseball player ever.

I own several years' worth of Baseball Prospectus books. Let's take a look into the past and get a sneak peak at part of David Ortiz' 2000 entry:

The organization's litmus test to see if they want to get better in a hurry or just do things their way. Ortiz is accused of having an attitude, and he catches flak for bad glovework and his weight. Ullger says he's gotten into bad habits at the plate: he had been pitched outside for so long that he wasn't adjusting to anything inside in the majors, diving across the plate without keeping his head or hands still.

I just got this year's book, and the Ortiz entry reads, in it entirety:

Do not taunt this man. You will die.

Of course you will. The mere suggestion that David Ortiz is anything other than a primordial God, borne of all the powers of the universe is, frankly, insulting. And dangerous. He sees all and hears all.

So do not pitch him inside. Or outside. Or over the plate. It does not matter. 209 Red Sox home runs, 143 game-winning hits, 10 million people met and hugged, at least two World Series titles (Who knows? There could have been more we weren't aware of), one David Ortiz.

As we head into another year of Papi-fueled domination, let us say a prayer for all the opposing pitchers and baseballs that will be disposed between now and November. (Message!)

Hit 'em up, Papi.


Faloomp! Like wow.

David Ortiz' 2008 PECOTA projection:
.282 AVG/.402 OBP/.541 SLG
109 Runs
158 Hits
38 Doubles
600 Home Runs
119 RBI
111 BB
79 K
Okay, 35 Home Runs
And the Prospectus thing does not say that.

2008 Preview: Jacoco Crispbury

Name: Covelli Loyce Crisp
Bats: Switch
Throws: Right
Age: 28
2008 Salary: $4.75M
Fun Fact: Along with Carl Crawford, Jimmy Rollins and Dontrelle Willis, Coco Crisp is an RBI alumnus. Crisp grew up in Los Angeles and attended Inglewood High School with Paul Pierce of the Boston Celtics.

It couldn’t have begun much better for Coco Crisp in Boston. Even though the pink hats were devastated to see Johnny Damon go, they were charmed by Crisp’s smile and amused by his name. Meanwhile, the stat heads were intrigued by a man who had improved in each of his previous four seasons in Cleveland and was only just entering his prime. Hell, Crisp was so popular in the early going that even his father had a NESN commercial.

Crisp batted .400 in his first spring training with the Sox and it seemed all but certain he would slide right in and be a younger, cheaper version of Johnny Damon. Bill James did little to dispel this notion, projecting that in 2006 Crisp would have an OPS of .790 with 13 homers while Damon would have a .786 OPS with 12 homers. Obviously those projections presaged a decline in Damon’s game more than continued improvement from Crisp. As in turns out, Crisp’s numbers in Boston have come somewhat close to replicating Damon’s. Unfortunately they have been much closer to 2003 Damon (12 HR, 67 RBI .273./345/.405) than 2004 Damon (20 HR 94 RB .304/.380/.477). Somehow we had been led to believed we might be getting 2004 Damon. We were bound to be disappointed.

Ironically I seem to recall it being Crisp’s defense that had Boston fans most skeptical about his ability to replace Damon. Crisp had relocated from center to left in 2005 and that could only mean, the skeptics believed, that he lacked some essential quality of centerfielding. It was only later they all caught onto the fact that Grady Sizemore, the man who displaced Crisp, is pretty handy with the leather—so good, in fact, that he robbed Crisp of a Gold Glove last year. After an occasionally discomfiting year in the field in 2006, Crisp’s 2007 season in center was kind of absurd. He caught everything!

Crisp’s two seasons in Boston have been defined by disappointment at the plate and nagging injuries all over the body. In year one it was the broken index finger in April that hampered him for the remainder of the season. Last year there was an oblique injury, a shoulder injury, and a toe injury that he played through, matching his career high with 145 games. In the second half of the season it seemed as though Sox fans had come to grips with what Crisp could offer at the plate and were beginning to embrace him for his defensive exploits and speed on the base paths. But then along came the young Navajo gentleman and everything changed.

Coco Crisp's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.271 AVG/.333 OBP/.410 SLG
82 Runs
143 Hits
33 Doubles
10 Home Runs
65 RBI
48 BB
79 K


Name: Jacoby McCabe Ellsbury
Bats: Left
Throws: Left
Age: 24
2008 Salary: $406,000
Fun Fact: Jacoby Ellsbury is the first Native American of Navajo descent to reach the Major Leagues. Other professional baseball players of Native American descent include Louis Sockalexis, Jim Thorpe, Chief Yellow Horse, and Joba Chamberlain.

Jacoby Ellsbury has only played 44 games in the majors but boy were they impressive. Aside from the jaw dropping speed and the .438 average in 16 World Series at bats, the thing that was most impressive about Ellsbury’s 2007 season was the surprising extra base power he exhibited (59 total bases in 33 games, .509 SLG—yeah, he out-slugged Manny Ramirez ). The infield hits will take care for of themselves, but he’ll be a very special player if he can continue to slap the ball off the Monster and improve the gap power he hinted at last season.

Ellsbury is not as polished as Crisp in the field, but then Crisp wasn't as polished as Crisp a little over a year ago so we must be patient with the 24-year-old. Fortunately whatever he lacks in his ability to judge fly balls he more than makes up for with he's speed. And he's just enough faster than Crisp that he can do some truly profound shit on the base paths, as when he scored from second on a wild pitch. If there was one play that made Ellsbury the fan favorite for the starting job in center, that was it. The free taco only cemented things further.

What, then, are Ellsbury's warts? Well, he has below average arm strength, but certainly in comparison to Crisp there is not a whole lot of difference. He has very little home run power, but again, if we compare him to Crisp of the previous two seasons there is not a tremendous amount of difference between the two. Perhaps the biggest question mark surrounding Ellsbury is that we have yet to see how he fares once he is forced to make adjustments when pitchers learn how to pitch him. There just isn't a lengthy enough Major League resume to be sure of what we've got just yet. Certainly he is the most exciting Sox' position player since Nomar Garciaparra was on the come up but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Have I made the case for Ellsbury as the starter? Do I really need to? In a perfect world Ellsbury wins the starting job out camp, Coco is the fourth outfielder but gets to start a couple of times a week with one of three scenarios: Ellsbury gets a day off, Ellsbury goes to left to spell Manny, Ellsbury goes to right to spell Drew. Unfortunately, Crisp does not find that world perfect. However, it does not seem likely that Crisp would pull a Jay Payton and dealing him would be short sighted—say you deal Crisp and Ellsbury pulls a hamstring in May, then what, a month of Kielty in center. No thank you. Then again, if they can somehow swing Crisp plus some pieces to Oakland for Joe Blanton.....

Jacoby Ellsbury's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.297 AVG/.349 OBP/.392 SLG
87 Runs
163 Hits
34 Doubles
4 Home Runs
58 RBI
37 BB
72 K

2008 Preview: Manny Ramirez

Name: Manuel Aristides Ramirez Onelcida
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Age: 35
2008 Salary: $20M
Fun Fact: Manny Ramirez and Henry Kissinger both attended George Washington High School in the Washington Heights section of Manhattan. Manny Ramirez does not have a Nobel Peace Prize, Henry Kissinger does. This is an outrage.

During a given season Jason Varitek will probably run into more outs than Manny Ramirez. But when Manny runs into an out he has a way of turning it into a sideshow (amusing or infuriating depending on the situation) with all the telltale Manny flourishes: the playful smile, the shrug, the palms turned towards the sky. It looks something like this. The little league coach in you says, “Come on, get your head out of your ass!” When Varitek runs into an out he unleashes an expletive, wears a scowl, and darts for the dugout to don his catching apparel. The little league coach in you says, “Shoot, if only he had better wheels.” It is the unreasonable man who draws from the two players' very different responses the conclusion that Manny cares any less than Varitek.

For all the ink that is spilled about Manny’s off-field whimsy, his production at the plate speaks for itself. While it is common practice to paint the man as an idiot savant, his teammates have long been effusive in their praise of his hard work in the batting cage and in the video room. He is the greatest Red Sox hitter from the right side since the man they called Beast, Jimmie Foxx. Ten home runs shy of 500 and tenth in OPS all time (1.0023), Manny is a lock for the Hall of Fame.

Alas, his best years appear to be behind him. Dominate in the postseason, oh yes he did. But the 2007 regular season was a bit of a struggle, with Manny often looking uncomfortable at the plate, taking awkwards swings, and looking at a lot of called third strikes. Aside from a scorching hot July and October it was a pedestrian season for Manny, who finished with his lowest home run and RBI totals since he was a young pup in Cleveland. While Sox fans may be optimistic that Manny, inspired by a contract year, has arrived at spring training on time and in wonderful shape, the output of several similar thirty-six year-old sluggers before him tells a compelling tale. Stargell, McCovey, Bagwell, Walker, at thirty six none of them knocked more than 30 out of the park or drove in 1oo. With $20 million team options for 2009 and 2010, this may very well be Manny's final year in Boston.

Manny Ramirez's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.278 AVG/.381 OBP/.493 SLG
75 Runs
123 Hits
26 Doubles
23 Home Runs
98 RBI
71 BB
98 K

2008 Preview: Shortstops

Name: Julio Cesar Lugo
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Age: 32
2008 Salary: $9M
Fun Fact: Lugo, a town in northern Italy, is the birthplace of Charles Ponzi, who is remembered as one of the greatest swindlers in American history. In 2007 Lugo pulled off a swindle that would make Ponzi blush when he earned $8 million for being the 27th best shortstop in baseball.

Look, I don't want to write about Julio Lugo any more than you want to read about him. What is it you don't like about him? Is it his scowling face, his incessant cup adjusting, the strange way he uses his arms when he runs, or the fact that he had the worst year of his career in the first year of a 4 year, $36 million contract?

Lugo's .643 OPS in 2007 was forty points behind Alex Cora. It's never good to be forty points behind a hitter who is commonly referred to as "pesky." Lugo's numbers were far better post-All Star break (.280/.322/.406) but not so hot that we could label his regular season anything less than an abject failure.

Am I being too negative? Now for the good news! Lugo is entering the season with a lot more confidence! Also, he makes funny faces. I don't know what this is but I can't stop laughing. Is that Enrique Wilson? Oh dear, that's not enough good news for you, is it? Lugo had a .500 OBP in the World Series. Lugo is fast. Lugo has a strong arm. Lugo, scowly countenance aside, is charismatic and popular in the clubhouse. Lugo has made a full recovery from the stomach parasites that plagued him last season. Lugo only has three years left on his contract....

Julio Lugo's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.267 AVG/.335 OBP/.382 SLG
77 Runs
144 Hits
35 Doubles
7 Home Runs
62 RBI
52 BB
96 K

Other options at shortstop:
Alex Cora: An adequate utility infielder. We discussed him here.

Jed Lowrie: 2004 Pac-10 Player of the Year with questionable range (he's been compared to Carlos Guillen), strong plate discipline, and decent pop. Lowrie's name was a constant in the various permutations of the Johan Santana trade rumors. Baseball America rates him as the 5th best prospect in the International League. He'll spend the year at Pawtucket unless Lugo or Pedroia end up on the shelf for an extended period.

Argenis Diaz: This fellow is on the 40-man roster and apparently he's a slick-fielding, slap-hitting, inconsistent 21-year-old.

2008 Preview: Third Basemen

Name: Michael Averett Lowell
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Age: 34
2008 Salary: $12.5M
Fun Fact: Mike Lowell shares his middle name with a small university in Virginia whose affiliation with the Baptist church ended following a disagreement over a student group's gay pride event. Don't worry, Mike Lowell is totally not a Baptist. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

A year ago at this time Sox fans were still debating the wisdom of a proposed Todd Helton for Mike Lowell swap. Some welcomed the trade, citing Lowell’s woeful 2005 (.236/.298/.360) and his struggles in the second half of 2006 (.257/.315/.424). Others were keen on retaining Lowell, citing his defensive prowess and Helton’s own, albeit less severe, decline. As it turns out the 34-year-old third baseman had a career year in 2007, setting personal bests in hits (191), RBI (120), batting average (.324), and on-base percentage (.378).

Late last season it became trendy to say that Mike Lowell was the Sox MVP. That was misguided and a clear indication that we took Big Papi and his 1.066 OPS largely for granted. My minor quibble aside, there is no denying that there were stretches last season, particularly in the early going, when Mike Lowell seemed to be driving in every crucial Sox run. Add to that the World Series MVP and I think Sox fans are quite content to have Lowell in the fold for another three years.

In the early stages of Spring Training the only talk surrounding Mike Lowell seems be about his budding ping-pong rivalry with Dustin Pedroia and his thoughts concerning regime change in his ancestral homeland.

Mike Lowell's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.272 AVG/.333 OBP/.429 SLG
70 Runs
150 Hits
40 Doubles
15 Home Runs
64 RBI
50 BB
63 K

Other third base options:
Kevin Youkilis: We discussed him here. He can play third and play it adequately. This was not a case where a guy gets sent across the diamond because he can't hack it at third—Hi, Hinske! In his career Youk has played 118 games at third and made 11 errors. Not too snaby. Oh and he blogs. Or used to blog. We'll have to wait and see.

Alex Cora: We discussed him here. Youk is obviously the first option. Cora has precious little experience at third but he can fill in on a day when both Lowell and Youkilis can't go and the results would not be disastrous.

2008 Preview: First Basemen Recount

Name: Brandon Douglas Moss
Bats: Left
Throws: Right
Age: 24
2008 salary: $390,000
Fun Fact: Moss wore number 44 last season; this season he wears 55. If he continues at this pace Moss will be wearing number 253 when his career concludes in 2026.

Brandon Moss has been working out at first base. I post this nugget in lieu of giving the first base preview a re-write. If Moss can hack it at first he would be a better bench option than Sean Casey. Yes, I know that the boys can hardly contain their excitement about having someone as nice as Casey in the clubhouse. I don't discount the importance of "clubhouse harmony" but let's talk about baseball. Moss's ability to play the outfield would give the bench a great deal more versatility than Casey could offer. Furthermore, his presence would make Bobby Kielty expendable and would allow the Sox to avoid filling a roster spot with a fifth outfielder, thus enabling them to keep a additional arm in the bullpen. Essentially, Moss would be the '08 version of Eric Hinske, only he'd be better. Moss has sported a nice OBP throughout his minor league career and plays an above average outfield. The strikeouts are a bit of a problem (148 for Moss at Pawtucket last season) but so too is Casey's diminishing potency. Of course, this is all moot because the job is clearly Casey's. I remain intrigued.

2008 Preview: Second Basemen

The year is 2007; the month is May. Alex Cora is batting over .400, Dustin Pedroia under .200. Red Sox fans, displaying a characteristic lack of patience, demand a change in the starting lineup. The clamoring for Cora grows so strong that a series of articles begin popping up that seem to assume Cora will become the starter in a matter of days. That's the solution to our problems: Alex F'ing Cora.

The year is 2008; the month is February. Having finished last season with a .298 OBP and 3 home runs, Alex Cora returns to a familiar role: light-hitting utility infielder with a great glove. Reigning rookie of the year and World Series standout, Dustin Pedroia, is firmly entrenched as the Sox starting second baseman.


Name: Dustin Luis Pedroia
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Age: 24
2008 salary: $420,000
Fun Fact: Dustin Pedroia's hometown, Woodland, California, is sister cities with La Piedad, Mexico. La Piedad is the birthplace of Milwaukee Brewers relief pitcher Yovani Gallardo. Pedroia and Gallardo are sisters.

You know what's most impressive about Dustin Pedroia's 2007 season? The strikeouts. In 520 at-bats he had only 42 of them. To put that in perspective, among the regulars Mike Lowell had the second lowest strikeout total with 71, four Sox batters had more than 100 K's. Not bad for a rookie. Add to that a .317 average, 39 doubles, only 6 errors in 1,141 innings, and intangibles to burn and you've got one hell of a young second baseman. And he's making damn near the league minimum!

We should have no concern about a sophomore slump. For one, this off season Pedroia joined Manny Ramirez, Kevin Youkilis, and Kyle Snyder at Athletes' Performance in Arizona. So we know he'll be fit. Meanwhile, his attitude couldn't be less of a concern—the guy will probably be named the captain the second Varitek retires (presuming, of course, that by this point Papi has also... assuming that ever happens). Pedroia is the bridge between the 2004 group and the core group of the future. He stepped right in as the attitudinal surrogate for the departed Trot Nixon.

Dustin Pedroia's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.292 AVG/.359 OBP/.431 SLG
75 Runs
160 Hits
44 Doubles
10 Home Runs
62 RBI
51 BB
43 K
42 Times being compared to David Eckstein, but better

Name: José Alexander Cora
Bats: Left
Throws: Right
Age: 32
2008 salary: $2M
Fun Fact: Alex Cora is not a member of the California Outdoor Rollerskating Association. Surprisingly, he is a member of the Congress of Romanian Americans.

Tough conclusion to the off season for Mr. Cora. Other than, well, I'm stumped. Honestly, Alex Cora may very well the least remarkable player in the majors. We're talking about a player whose career highlight is probably his 18 pitch at-bat against former Red Sox all star(!) Matt Clement, in which Cora fouled off 14 consecutive pitches before blasting a 2-2 pitch out of the ballpark. I like him just fine, but what can one say about the slap hitter who's good with glove other than that he's a slap hitter who's good with the glove?

Well, for one he's a great bunter. You do remember what a bunt is, right, Red Sox fans? Furthermore Cora has the ability to play both second base and shortstop and play them exquisitely. He can play third base adequately and first base in a pinch. Also, he's the emergency catcher. Cora is a valuable guy to have around and last season he came up with some big hits late in ball game, especially during that hot stretch of his early in the season. My one knock on him is that it would be nice to have a utility infielder who could offer some element of speed off the bench.

Alex Cora's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.241 AVG/.311 OBP/.330 SLG
27 Runs
49 Hits
8 Doubles
2 Home Runs
21 RBI
13 BB
23 K
Countless shots of him mugging it up with Manny

Other second base options:
Keith Ginter: 31 year-old non-roster invitee has not appeared in the majors since 2005 when he logged 25 games at second base for the Oakland Athletics. He hit .247 with 15 homers and 62 RBI last season for the Indians’ Triple-A affiliate, Buffalo, last season.

Joe Thurston: 28 year-old non-roster invitee did not appear in the majors last season. Thurston was originally drafted by the Red Sox in 1997 but did not sign. Last season Thurston hit .301 with five homers and 61 RBI between Philadelphia's Double-A and Triple-A affiliates.

Jed Lowrie: Hot shot prospect who currently plays shortstop but may be better suited for second base. He struggled mightily in the Arizona Fall League and likely won't see any major league action until September when the roster expands.

2008 Preview: First Basemen

Name: Kevin Edmund Youkilis
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Age: 28
2008 salary: $3M
Fun Fact: Wikipedia says, "Youkilis had one line in the 1994 romantic comedy Milk Money" which was shot in Cincinnati and starred Melanie Griffith as a hooker with a heart of gold."

In his second season as the Red Sox full-time first baseman, Kevin Youkilis earned a World Series ring, a Gold Glove*, and the distinction of having the most potent sweat glands in Boston since Hall of Fame shoo-in Patrick Ewing was soaking the floorboards at Cambridge Rindge and Latin. Perhaps it is those overactive sweat glands that are to blame for Youk's severe post-all star break drop-off. His average dipped from .328 in the first half to .238 in the second half and his OPS fell from .921 to .747. While his drop in home runs and RBI was not nearly so pronounced, Youk's strike outs shot up from 40 in 293 ABs in the first half of the season to 65 in 235 ABs in the second half. Recognizing that he wore down in the dog days of summer, this off season Youkilis joined fellow Red Sox Dustin Pedroia, Manny Ramirez and Kyle Snyder at Athletes Performance, a state-of-the-art training facility in Arizona. He arrives at spring training a very bad man, and $3 million richer.

Youkilis offers versatility in the field. He's able to spell Mike Lowell at third base and can play a bit of left field in a pinch. As made famous in Moneyball, he is a master of working the count and drawing walks. His approach at the plate seems to have gotten under the skin of the Yankees, who dislike him and have made a practice of throwing baseballs aimed at his body. And sometimes his head. Frankly, I can see why he might rub the opposition the wrong way. Something in the way he carries himself. I suppose in this respect (and I mean this in the kindest way possible) he's the Red Sox version of Jorge Posada. The Yankee hate makes my appreciation for him all the more resolute.

*Youkilis was the Gold Glove winner on the strength of an absurd errorless games streak. I know I'm partial to unnecessary theatrics when I say that I consider his two finest moments in the field to be his flawless handlings of Julian Tavarez's lawn bowling escapade.

Kevin Youkilis's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.286 AVG/.388 OBP/.444 SLG
79 Runs
136 Hits
35 Doubles
12 Home Runs
69 RBI
71 BB
100 K

Name: Sean Thomas Casey
Bats: Left
Throws: Right
Age: 33
2008 salary: $700,000
Fun Fact: Sean Casey is the Mayor of Casterbridge.

Sean Casey is destined to be a fan favorite. White, slow, affable, and rarely utilized are a killer combo. There's a reason he brings with him a moniker like "The Mayor." As long as we're on the subject of his nickname, I'd like to state that we need a NESN ad featuring Casey and Tom Menino and we need it now.*

In a former life Casey was a three-time all star with the Reds who had enough pop to get more than twenty balls out of the yard in multiple seasons but he is now on his last legs. And frankly, how could he run fast anyway when he's got babies to kiss and old ladies to hug? A career .301 hitter... with a career .366 OBP, last season Casey slugged a timid .393. A nice pinch hit option if you're hoping for a single, Casey is a a left handed batter who has hit .326 against left handed pitching over the past three seasons. While certainly a better fielding first baseman than Eric Hinske, and a more reliable hitter, the Sox do lose some versatility on their bench by replacing a man who can play multiple positions with a aged first baseman. Casey says it is a dream to play for the Sox and there's no doubt he'll bring a great attitude and be well liked in the clubhouse. Welcome to Boston, Sean Casey.

*I don't have NESN on my cable package, please tell me such an ad already exists.

Sean Casey's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.283 AVG/.346 OBP/.388 SLG
46 Runs
116 Hits
25 Doubles
6 Home Runs
55 RBI
34 BB
48 K

Other first base options:
Carlos Peña: That's his name, right? That local kid who the Sox picked up off waivers a couple of years back. He's still somewhere in the system, right? Was it Portland last year? Anyway, I always liked him. Nice stroke from the left side.

Carlos Quintana: Laugh if you must, but Carlos is now fully recovered from the automobile accident that had him on the shelf for, oh, 14 seasons. He's back and in the best shape of his life. Why, just last week he won the WBO welterweight crown.

David Ortiz: A solid option at first base during World Series play.

2008 Preview: Catchers

We start with the backstops. While a few other spots on diamond are occupied by shaky commodities (Flugo aka F'ing Lugo) or tantalizing young talent (the Navajo fellow, Jacob whats-his-name), the Red Sox catching tandem is very much a known commodity. Save for the ill-fated Josh Bard experiment, Jason Varitek and Doug Mirabelli have shared time behind the plate for seven consecutive season. Staggering really, when you consider the nomadic tendencies of nearly all backup catchers. Varitek enters the final year of his 4-year, $40 million deal and Mirabelli returns on another one-year pact. This could be their last go round. But I doubt it.

Name: Jason Andrew Varitek
Bats: Switch
Throws: Right
Age: 36
2008 salary: $11M
Fun Fact: Varitek was 0-7 with two walks and a run scored in the 1984 Little League World Series. Obviously he is a choker in the clutch. Give me Yadier Molina any day. (Note: no Yadier Molina, please).

Ah, the captain.* Many of us grimaced a bit at the four-year deal Varitek signed prior to the 2005 season, but we'll call him the consummate leader and move along. Still productive enough at the plate, patient as ever, and of course the intangibles ain't going anywhere. The pitchers, they say he calls a great game. And when your pitchers have the second best ERA in the majors you tend to agree with them. Plus his pop (17 dongs last year) comes in handy. Last year he had a tendency to disappoint in the clutch, hitting .219 with runners in scoring position and an alarming .162 with two outs and runners on. Last year we won the World Series. He's onto something.

*It irks me every time I hear an announcer say, “Varitek is the first Red Sox captain since Jim Rice in 1989.” That's true, but just once I’d like to hear one of them say, “However, although Maurice Samuel Vaughn lacked the official title and the corny ‘C’ on his jersey he sure as shit was the captain of those mid-nineties Red Sox teams. It was unfortunately the case that the ballclub was not then in the business of doing things that, A, made sense and, B, so much as hinted at the presence of organizational amity.” End needless aside before the gatekeeper scolds me for being backwards looking. BNJ: The gatekeeper is pleased with your work, and here's a recent article about Mo building low-income housing.

Jason Varitek's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.249 AVG
.350 OBP
.408 SLG
50 Runs
96 Hits
20 Doubles
13 Home Runs
63 RBI
56 BB
102 K
146 Pink jerseys sold
1 World Series title
46 Plaudits from Schilling

Name: Douglas Anthony Mirabelli
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Age: Immaterial as long as Tim Wakefield is around.
2008 salary: $550,000, of which he owes $550,000 to Wakefield.
Fun fact: Mirabelli was college teammates with Cleveland Indians manager Eric Wedge on the 1989 College World Series champion Wichita State Shockers. Generally considered a big jerk, which is immaterial here.

What? What do you want me to say? A big floppy mitt, a barehanded batsman, strikeouts with runners on, slow as Shaq. But then, wait, what's this? A giant blast over the Monster that came off the bat as if it were struck by Paul Bunyan himself! I resent Tim Wakefield for prolonging Mirabelli's career, but those majestic taters make us giddy. At any rate, Mirabelli is here to knock down knuckleballs just as he's been doing for the past seven seasons. Production at the plate is beside the point. And hey, here's this wonderful nugget: Last season with 2 out and runners in scoring position Mirabelli hit .368 with an .846 OPS. Only 19 at-bats, but yeah, that is a better situational average than either Papi or Manny. Viva la Mirabelli!

Doug Mirabelli's 2008 ZiPS projection:
.246 AVG
.318 OBP
.355 SLG
35 Runs
68 Hits
15 Doubles
5 Home Runs
36 RBI
29 BB
65 K
1 Horrific soul patch

Other catching options:
George Kottaras: Acquired from the Padres in exchange for David Wells, Kottaras projects as a serviceable catcher with some pop and a keen batting eye but hardly seems to be the heir apparent to Varitek. Suspect defensive capabilities.

Dusty Brown: It looks this fellow is on the 40-man roster. If I were to attempt to impart knowledge regarding his exploits as a ballplayer I'd be talking straight out of my ass. Apparently he plays the guitar.

Kevin Cash: Unable to find a major league deal, Cash has accepted an invitation to rejoin the Sox on a minor league contract. I suppose he backs up Kottaras at Pawtucket and is a likely candidate to fill in once again at the major league level if Mirabelli or Varitek are out for a spell. Randy Moss is a fan.