No Country For Old Young Men

We're in the home stretch, campers. Tomorrow's game won't be for the young and weak, who need their beauty rest; it will be for the strong, those who arise at 6 every day to soak in the life-affirming rays of the sun rather than stay up until 1 or 2 being poisoned by the life-sucking glow of the television. Tomorrow will be a day for the old guys. Let's act appropriately.

I will not be going to Professor Thom's, a bar in Manhattan's East Village, which is throwing a massive "Private Party" at the hour of six because it is not legally allowed to be open at that hour. I am on Thom's mailing list, however, and entered a Red Sox haiku contest to celebrate the opener:

The alarm clock rings
It's 6 and the Sox are on
Praise f*cking Jesus

I actually starred it out on the email. I'm getting better. Though it should be:

The alarm clock rings
It's 6 and the Sox are on
Please pass the sake

14 hours to go.

Your profanity-free Tuesday morning post

Hello, friends! I have been told that I have a problem with using language that is not appropriate for all ages. Please to accept my sincerest apologies as it will not happen again! Let us talk of the events of the day okay.

Wow, look at the weather out there today. It is not like it was yesterday, but it will be the opposite in only three days! Let us talk about it again in three days.

Have you filled out your basketball bracket? I have chosen a major state university
that my mom's sister attends to win the championship game. I do not expect my co-worker's alma mater to go far, but watch out for my older brother's wife's sister's school — they are a sleeper!

Did you hear the Red Sox lost to the Yankees yesterday? I am going to get very worked up about this meaningless game and you will know I'm a Red Sox fan. I have a green Red Sox hat for St. Patrick's Day! I drank several beers yesterday and it was Monday, ha ha, I drank beer on Monday! And it was green! I wish St. Patrick's Day was on Monday more often so I could drink green beers on more Mondays! Mondays stink, I hate them! Do you hate them? You do! Awesome! Me too! You know what days I like? Fridays!

I wish Trot Nixon would come back! He was so great. And I can't believe Schilling is hurt for so long. Did you know he has a blog? You can read it at work when you don't have anything to do!

Yes, I did see How I Met Your Mother last night!