Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Sox and the Homers They Hit

1. Dusty Pedroia: Lasers
The Little Pony doesn't hit'em often, but when he does, they get out in a hurry. Get ready for the laser show. Shockingly, the Caballero's most famous laser wasn't even a laser, but a shot (see: Ramirez, Manny) in game seven of the ALCS. And what a f*cking shot it was.

2. Kevin Youkilis: Dingers/Dongs
Youk isn't known for his power stroke, so when he hits one, it's time to ring the bell and buy a round of drinks for everyone. Youk went deep. Yooooooouk!

3. David Ortiz: Blasts
Big Papi's home runs threaten to hurt children as far away as Charlestown and to tear Boston from its foundation on the Earth. There's always a crater waiting to happen, be it in Boston, the Bronx, Anaheim, Japan, wherever. Hold on to your butts.

4. Manny Ramirez: Shots
Manny puts 'em out to all corners of the ballpark, whenever he feels like it, and he's going to his admire his shots. You are, too, unless you're K-Rod.

5. Mikey Lowell: Bombs
That pull stroke produces one result: bombs out to left field. A Mikey Lowell bomb is a no-doubter from the get go. Watch the classy guy bow his head and run around those bases. There's a curtain call waiting, friend.

6. J.D. Drew: Grand Slam
The one, the only, the best.

7. Jason Varitek: Jacks
JayVay just jacks it, from either side of the plate. (Yep.) When 'Tek comes'a'knockin', there's no doubt about it, just sit back and enjoy. You can set your watch to that flat top and about 15 of these per year.

8. Jacoby Ellsbury: If Jacoby Hits HRs, Just Give Us The Trophy
The boy who can do no wrong isn't supposed to go deep, so if he does, just run and hide. You're done. That swing is made for liners to center and doubles to left, so if he pulls one outta here, you might as well give up. So what if he's hitting .200. Everything will be fine. I said EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

9. Julio Lugo: GIDPs
Just being honest.

Honorable Mention
Former Sox Dougie Mirabelli: Taters
Nothing was more perfect that a Dougie tater. The way the rounded K-machine just blasted those things was tatertastic. Let your soul patch glow. Good night, sweet prince.
Alex Cora hits Miracles
Kevin Cash hits Paydirt

1 comment:

Keith said...

Dougie doesn't hit Taters. Dougie goes deep.

/kills it