Thanks but no

10 AM kickoff for Pats-Jets? Marvelous! 9 AM kickoff for Michigan-Iowa? Lovely! 6 AM for the Wimbledon finals? A little early, but I’ll do it! Monday Night Football concluding at a reasonable hour? Pac Ten basketball beginning at a reasonable hour? Superlative!

Pacific Standard Time is a glorious thing.
(Editor's note: Pacific Daylight Time ain't so bad either)

Alas, tomorrow the time zone gods frown upon we in the west. 3 AM! You in the East have nothing to complain about. 6 AM is isn’t even early! But this 3 AM business, well, it’s just not possible. 3 AM is like the island on Lost, you can approach it from any angle, but you won’t find the bitch.

I certainly haven’t seen 3 AM since my sad, unemployed days when I willed myself there by staying up to the wee hours pondering impenetrable thoughts like, “Perhaps I was wrong about Arquimedez Pozo, maybe Billy Jo Robidoux is the greatest name in baseball history.”’ Failing at that, I would then contemplate whether my bank account could handle a trip to Dick’s for a cheeseburger, some fries, and a chocolate shake. The ketchup at Dick's costs extra, and in those days five cents was precious.

I should note that those days I speak of were only a few weeks ago. Fortunately for me, Bryan was in need of a Head Writer for “Me and Pedro Down By the Ballpark.” Twenty-five cents they pay me for every post. And a nickel bonus for each mention of a Lou Gorman-era player. Rather sly of me to get the Robidoux reference in there, no? Yes, friends, times are good. As you can imagine, now when I enter Dick’s I buy a round of ketchup for everyone in the joint. The regulars have taken to calling it "Robidoux relish."

Anyway, by the time I wake tomorrow at 6:30, I expect a colorful tapestry of opening day events to reside above this post. A game blog so full of life and infinite wisdom that it will seem as though I did in fact wake at 3 AM and watch the game with my own eyes.

Of course, there is always the chance I have a restless night’s sleep, get out of bed at 2:30, head over to the International District, and watch the game with an excitable crowd of Japanese expatriates. I imagine they’re pretty amped for this one, what with Kurt Suzuki getting the start at catcher for Oakland.

7 hours to go.